Leesen, Lemme Speaking..

These few days ah, all Muniandy, Ah Choy and Ayob also knows the mamak lady kasi taruh itu girl at UUM for voicing her opinion regarding Bersih/PTPTN. I must say, the mamak lady deserved an award for acting like a total asshole. Is there an award for that? Yah, the same one my boss is nominated for also.

Anyways, the mamak lady engrish is quite good. So for the benefits of you all whose engrish is half bucket, let me summarized what she barks ya..

She says,

"Leesen x11, this is limpeh program limped give u speaking. But when limpeh speaking you leesen.

Lemme speaking x7. Limpeh got gip her respect? Limpeh come and shake her hand. Means limped got give her respect you know.

You no same same maraysia with other country. If you same same maraysia with other country, why u still doing in maraysia?

You student more intelligent than me. Limpeh only O-level. You must mingpak what is demonstrasi democracy. You must mingpak what is a babi anaki. You must mingpak what is 3 persons in one place. (shit la, now I go lunch time with my keliks more than 3 persons also i think of her stupid face).

Best part..

Cats got problem. Wanna eat chicken bone, kena kicked.

Dogs got problem. Cannot speak.

Cow, goat got problem. Big dy kena killed.

Fish got problem. We pick fai of them then put inside aquarium.

Bird got problem. We tie their legs then *do a retarded act and say ark ark ark*.

Most problem is shark. We eat shark fins soup."

That's mostly what she said. Most idiotic speech ever, and tak kena mengena at all with the girl's mia comments.

duno the girl in orange tudung got problem onot..
misaiman, very funny meh? Or you dun understand engrish one?

On a serious note, it's quite sad she got applauses from the student on her speech. It's either the students actually dun really understand engrish, or.. ermm.. can't think of any other reasons tim.

Faith in humanity is not restored in UUM.

Looking forward to see what's next for this mamak lady. 

Adios!

Twelve of December Twenty Twelve

Like this.

That day my colleague asked me if I have any celebration on 12/12/12.

I told her no. She says she will be celebrating with her family by having a good dinner. I asked her why. She says 12/12/12 comes once in a lifetime.

The next day I asked her again if she is celebrating 13/12/12.

She says no but I told her isn't 13/12/12 also comes once in a lifetime...?

Now you know why I don't have friends.

Hidden Message

Saw this print ads in one of the property development office, reflecting the current project they are in.

Well, are they building a city of lesbianism..?

Guidelines on Writing a Resolution

I know one. Every time new year sure wanna do something stupid like writing a resolution. This is some simple guidelines how to write one and sure will achieve one.

1) Set a target how many resolution(s) you plan to achieve. Be realistic. Setting too many will always results in failure. The rule of thumb is if you set 20 previous year, but only achieved 12, 80% discount it. That will be the correct number of resolutions you should set.

2) Set something achievable. If you can't play the piano, refrain from setting a resolution as 'Can Play Mary Had A little Lamb by 31 Dec 2013'. Or if you can't swim, avoid stuff like 'Get a set of bikini (trikini if you are gunipok)'. Try to be sensible. If you wanna learn a new musical instrument, starts by a triangle. Do not over-estimate your ability.

do not look down at this complicated instrument. ask mr pythagoras

3) Always double check your spelling/grammar in your resolutions list. This is to avoid any confusion when you look at it few months later. Example, 'This year I will try to eat more, my friends' is different from 'This year I will try to eat more friends'. 

4)  Do a milestone check. Suggested milestone is every 3 months. It's ok to amend the resolution if you think it's impossible to achieve. The important thing is not to force yourself but achieving it comfortably. Example:

January: To plant 4 types of vegetable.

April: To plant 4 2 types of vegetable.

July: To plant 4 2 types of vegetable something.

October: To plant 4 2 types of vegetable Eat something green.

That's it! With these 4 guidelines, I am sure everyone is an achiever!! Thanks me later.

Btw, here's my resolution for 2013!

The Great Escape

The sky is gloomy. Rain is waiting to unleash his fury.

I was thinking, is it the end, or the beginning? No answer. The situation is tensed. There are many people around me, but I can only sense soulless bodies. I can only sense anxiety. And fear. And pain.

There is always hope.

Will it happens again? I am guessing this is what playing in everyone's head. The last time it happened was not many days ago. It’s chaos. It’s dramatic. It’s sad. It gives more questions than answer. Should we take the leap of faith, or stays calm and wait for the sunshine. Nobody can answer that. Nobody.

I look at my watch. It’s 4pm. I keep telling myself we should not be bounded by time. This is the new world. We set the time, not the time set us. We want freedom! We want peace! We want liberty! Every minute is moving slower than ever. 5 minutes is like 5 hours. God, why am I being punished? Am I not a good servant?

Sky will fall. Someday.

I cannot waste anymore time. Now or never. I grabbed my haversack and look at the soulless body before turning my back to them. Goodbye my comrades. We’ll meet again. Maybe not in the same situation. But we will definitely meet again.

‘Woi Sinkar, wanna rain like that you wanna go back meh? Later jam like that day you know! Summo now only 4pm, later boss find you how?’

Failed. I rest my haversack on the desk again before resuming my duty.

I will try again. Until my next victorious escape, I will never give up.

Never.

Things To Do For Post Apocalypse

Congratulations to all of us who survived the 21 Dec 2012 acopolis acapalise apocalips apocalypse. Since none of us are dead, here is a list of suggested stuff to do:

1) Continue to pay your monthly installment. Yes, you think December is going to end everything and skip all your house loans and car loans? Now it's the time to go to the bank and settle the outstanding before they come and take away your stuff.

2) Credit transfer. Again, because it's the end you go and max out your credit card on useless stuff? Now it's the time to seek advice on how to pay that RM30,000 multi purpose gym set.

3) Say sorry. To who? To all the people you hate and because you think the end is near, you go and splash red paint on them, or their cars or their house. Or put a spider in their shoes. Or shred their important documents.  

4) Do a health check. I am sure because of the end, you went and eat all those food that you will not eat because of health reasons, like Deep-fried Sneaker Bar topped with creams and sprinkle of marshmallow with chocolate syrup.

5) Planning. On how to finish that 10 big tins of biscuits, 20 packs of instant noodles, 5 guni of rice, 24 boxes of mineral water and other similar dried food.

6) Look into the mirror. Yes, you are an idiot if you think the world will end on 21 Dec 2012.

Kung Fu Stances

Last time when I was a kid, I used to play kungfu with my brother after watching those TVB kungfu drama. To avoid injuries, we chereographed our own movement so that none of us cry and the other one will kena wollap by parents. Nowadays, with so many kungfu movies, have you ever wonder, how practical are those moves if not carefully chereographed? Let's do some analysis:

1) Drunken fists

Wah this one if Jackie Chan do dem power. But, drunk oredi leh, still can fight meh? Oklah, alot of fights in the bar are started by those stupid drunkards. But most of the time it's cincai punch here and there or sometimes punching the air. In order to learn this you need to be like 68% drunk and 32% sober.. Hard leh.. Then after fight how to go home? Sure kena road block. Muka sial oredi and bau arak. Balik balai. Oh ya, it's religious unfriendly too!

Polis: Apesal muka sial dan bau arak?
Jackie: Oh, tadi gaduh, guna drunken fists!
Polis: Waseh terer!
Jackie: Jom, i tunjuk camna buat basic mia drunken fists.
Polis: Best jugak! Balai citer. Jom.

2) Mantis stance

Seriosly? Can a mantis fight? Imagine grasshopper. Not that 3 napeks la. Those green insects. Imitating the movement of a mantis can win ah? Most is just hopping away to some bushes and slowly hail a cab to go home watch tv.

Look at Kungfu Panda's Master Mantis. Not sure about you but I think anyone can just step on him anytime :P



3) Shaolin 18 bronze men

Ha! Nowadays to get 4 people sit down play mahjong also difficult and this still needs 18 fellas to fight together? What if 1 mc? Need to tell the opponents, 'sorry ah boss, 1 fella lausai can't come, can postpone ah?' Summore 18 fellas learn something together. What's the odd of success?

4) Snake stance

Can mimicking the snake movement with the hand wins? I know snake is dangerous but it's becos of the venom. Let's say the snake now got no venom la.. still dangerous meh? Worm is more dangerous becos can wriggle into your ear..

Maybe yes if your fingernails are like this.

If not how on earth will the opponent get scared with just the hand movements and some hissing sound?

5) Dragon stance

This one lagi dunno how.. Nobody sees a dragon before. Chinese dragon la.. not dinosaurs la. If nobody sees a dragon before, how they know how a dragon fight? And if really got dragon lah, normally the dragon fight with what? Ultraman?

6) Monkey stance

I dunno about you but when someone act like a monkey infront of me I will laugh. Imagine scratching head and butts and occasionally do a monkey sound. Oh, maybe this one can just prance onto the enemy when they are laughing! Aiyah, if got such skill better work in palm oil estate la. Petik kelapa sawit. More money.

So how? Which one you wanna learn?

ps: this is for entertainment purposes only. if you know any of the mentioned stances and can kill with just one punch, dun look for me.