Thursday, July 14, 2011

Kung Fu Stances

Last time when I was a kid, I used to play kungfu with my brother after watching those TVB kungfu drama. To avoid injuries, we chereographed our own movement so that none of us cry and the other one will kena wollap by parents. Nowadays, with so many kungfu movies, have you ever wonder, how practical are those moves if not carefully chereographed? Let's do some analysis:

1) Drunken fists

Wah this one if Jackie Chan do dem power. But, drunk oredi leh, still can fight meh? Oklah, alot of fights in the bar are started by those stupid drunkards. But most of the time it's cincai punch here and there or sometimes punching the air. In order to learn this you need to be like 68% drunk and 32% sober.. Hard leh.. Then after fight how to go home? Sure kena road block. Muka sial oredi and bau arak. Balik balai. Oh ya, it's religious unfriendly too!

Polis: Apesal muka sial dan bau arak?
Jackie: Oh, tadi gaduh, guna drunken fists!
Polis: Waseh terer!
Jackie: Jom, i tunjuk camna buat basic mia drunken fists.
Polis: Best jugak! Balai citer. Jom.

2) Mantis stance

Seriosly? Can a mantis fight? Imagine grasshopper. Not that 3 napeks la. Those green insects. Imitating the movement of a mantis can win ah? Most is just hopping away to some bushes and slowly hail a cab to go home watch tv.

Look at Kungfu Panda's Master Mantis. Not sure about you but I think anyone can just step on him anytime :P

3) Shaolin 18 bronze men

Ha! Nowadays to get 4 people sit down play mahjong also difficult and this still needs 18 fellas to fight together? What if 1 mc? Need to tell the opponents, 'sorry ah boss, 1 fella lausai can't come, can postpone ah?' Summore 18 fellas learn something together. What's the odd of success?

4) Snake stance

Can mimicking the snake movement with the hand wins? I know snake is dangerous but it's becos of the venom. Let's say the snake now got no venom la.. still dangerous meh? Worm is more dangerous becos can wriggle into your ear..

Maybe yes if your fingernails are like this.

If not how on earth will the opponent get scared with just the hand movements and some hissing sound?

5) Dragon stance

This one lagi dunno how.. Nobody sees a dragon before. Chinese dragon la.. not dinosaurs la. If nobody sees a dragon before, how they know how a dragon fight? And if really got dragon lah, normally the dragon fight with what? Ultraman?

6) Monkey stance

I dunno about you but when someone act like a monkey infront of me I will laugh. Imagine scratching head and butts and occasionally do a monkey sound. Oh, maybe this one can just prance onto the enemy when they are laughing! Aiyah, if got such skill better work in palm oil estate la. Petik kelapa sawit. More money.

So how? Which one you wanna learn?

ps: this is for entertainment purposes only. if you know any of the mentioned stances and can kill with just one punch, dun look for me.