Kung Fu Stances

Last time when I was a kid, I used to play kungfu with my brother after watching those TVB kungfu drama. To avoid injuries, we chereographed our own movement so that none of us cry and the other one will kena wollap by parents. Nowadays, with so many kungfu movies, have you ever wonder, how practical are those moves if not carefully chereographed? Let's do some analysis:

1) Drunken fists

Wah this one if Jackie Chan do dem power. But, drunk oredi leh, still can fight meh? Oklah, alot of fights in the bar are started by those stupid drunkards. But most of the time it's cincai punch here and there or sometimes punching the air. In order to learn this you need to be like 68% drunk and 32% sober.. Hard leh.. Then after fight how to go home? Sure kena road block. Muka sial oredi and bau arak. Balik balai. Oh ya, it's religious unfriendly too!

Polis: Apesal muka sial dan bau arak?
Jackie: Oh, tadi gaduh, guna drunken fists!
Polis: Waseh terer!
Jackie: Jom, i tunjuk camna buat basic mia drunken fists.
Polis: Best jugak! Balai citer. Jom.

2) Mantis stance

Seriosly? Can a mantis fight? Imagine grasshopper. Not that 3 napeks la. Those green insects. Imitating the movement of a mantis can win ah? Most is just hopping away to some bushes and slowly hail a cab to go home watch tv.

Look at Kungfu Panda's Master Mantis. Not sure about you but I think anyone can just step on him anytime :P



3) Shaolin 18 bronze men

Ha! Nowadays to get 4 people sit down play mahjong also difficult and this still needs 18 fellas to fight together? What if 1 mc? Need to tell the opponents, 'sorry ah boss, 1 fella lausai can't come, can postpone ah?' Summore 18 fellas learn something together. What's the odd of success?

4) Snake stance

Can mimicking the snake movement with the hand wins? I know snake is dangerous but it's becos of the venom. Let's say the snake now got no venom la.. still dangerous meh? Worm is more dangerous becos can wriggle into your ear..

Maybe yes if your fingernails are like this.

If not how on earth will the opponent get scared with just the hand movements and some hissing sound?

5) Dragon stance

This one lagi dunno how.. Nobody sees a dragon before. Chinese dragon la.. not dinosaurs la. If nobody sees a dragon before, how they know how a dragon fight? And if really got dragon lah, normally the dragon fight with what? Ultraman?

6) Monkey stance

I dunno about you but when someone act like a monkey infront of me I will laugh. Imagine scratching head and butts and occasionally do a monkey sound. Oh, maybe this one can just prance onto the enemy when they are laughing! Aiyah, if got such skill better work in palm oil estate la. Petik kelapa sawit. More money.

So how? Which one you wanna learn?

ps: this is for entertainment purposes only. if you know any of the mentioned stances and can kill with just one punch, dun look for me.

Got Sifatt!!

Dun be so hamsap, it's just that girl's in white singlet geh armpit jek ok!

Emergency Flowchart

Okla okla.. since u guys always say this blog provides useless info, here is something useful k..




Next time you know wht to do during emergency.

Dun say anymore this blog is useless ya!

How crappy..

Adios!

credit: that chart is taken from this website.

Wot iz dis..?

I saw this in FB. Someone is selling (or providing service) on the mini stage for malay weddings (called pelamin)..




One glance I tot this is a chinese graveyard.. :(

How crappy..

Adios.

Crappy

I've got alot of stuff to write but dunno where to start..



How crappy..

Adios.

My Friend, Stiff

Once upon a time..

After my form 5, me and a few friends went to work temporarily while waiting for our SPM results. The office is not really huge, but that time was their peak period. So they got a few temp staff to clear off their work. While working, we got to know another temp staff by the name of Steve. Steve is 2 yrs older than us and he is waiting for his STPM result.

Since Steve is just about our age, he joined us for lunch every day and somehow we were like buddies.

One day, one of my friends asks him, ‘So Steve, actually I wanted to ask you this question forever. Your name is spelt S-T-E-V-E, or S-T-I-F-F?’

Steve felt abit weird, and replied, ‘S-T-E-V-E la… where got ppl name STIFF one? D’uh!!’ (not exact word but something like that). We were all laughing, not sure at my friend’s stupid question, or Steve’s reaction of being asked a stupid question.

Now fast forward 15 years later..

Steve, if you are reading this…







REALLY GOT PEOPLE NAME STIFF ONE OK!!!

Clarification: The one who asked that question is NOT me!

See, I where got sinkalan you?

Siao!

The other day as usual I am hanging around with my buddies at my area. Then suddenly came 2 strangers seated nearby us. One guy and one girl. The girl mumbles something to that guy after seeing us and both giggles. Siao.

The guy use his finger and pointed at me. And move his finger, like instructing me to follow him. He think what? We stupid ah? Just use your finger and point point thinking we will follow? Siao.

Then the girl pointed at my friend, saying his eye is fake. What fake? My friend’s eye is a bit bigger but how can she be so insensitive and says his eye is fake? Siao.

After a while, they started eating. At first, it’s ok as they are just eating lump of rice but later we realized they are eating something funny inside the rice! We can sense what they are eating is so wrong! This is outrageous!! Siao!

They are eating our relatives :(













This is most likely what that red fish thinks while we chomped down the sushi next to that aquarium..

Eh, I no sinkalan you one ok.

How crappy.

Adios.