RM5

Like this..

I needed to do a minor house renovation. So I asked this contractor to come and agak agak give me a price. He came and measure measure then says will sms me a quotation.

2 days later, he sms-ed me, quoting RM745.

Being a stingy financially sensitive person, I replied, asking for some discount. I thought the rule of thumb is suggest a huge discount, then renegotiate to a good price. I asked if can settle at RM500.

He replied, 'Sorry, cannot'.

That's it. 2 words.

So, being polite, I replied, asking can give me a best price?

He replied, 'RM740'.

Makehai.. I need RM5 discount from you ah? Dowan to do dun do lah. No need like that one...

    

Minions oh minions..

After seeing all the stupid news where people fight in McD, long queues, destroy the shuttle gate and whatsnot... All I wanna say is...

YOU ALL VERY RIDIKULUS!!

For the record so that I can laugh..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qu30iN1va9E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zb7Y0qgQRiQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhKnCMThDVg

Adventure Time

Story is like this..

That day I need to go to 1Shamelin after work. You know where onot itu 1Shamelin. I dunno la.. So I depends on my phone GPS.

But that fateful day, I had a meeting to attend and didn't managed to charge my phone. When I was about to leave the office, my phone is showing a pathetic 30% life. I assured myself, 30% is enough lah. 

When I get into my car, only I remembered my car is low on fuel. That annoying yellow light already showing. I assured myself again, on the way sure got petrol station one. Petrol station so common kan..? 

So off I go to my adventure!

Aih.. man count, better sky count.. that day dunno why so damn jam. After driving for 30 minutes, I see the fuel level almost hit rock bottom, yet no petrol station sighted. Suddenly, a beep from my phone shouting 15% life remaining.

Keep calm. Based on my calculations of speed = velocity x wind direction, I can make it with just 15% battery life. But dunno why, after driving another 10 minutes, that bloody phone beeped again! 5%!!

As a navigator, I quickly do the next wise thing. Scroll the map to see how far I am and which junctions to turn. Haha! I am only 2 junctions away!! Yahoo!! and just before I reach the final junction, my phone slipped into coma. 

Remember my fuel problem..? I don't.

So, after finished my business in 1Shamelin, time to go home. 

Whoopss.. how to go home..? Where am I? I see only houses around me. No road signs. No phone. No fuel.

I started to follow the cars but ended up in a housing area. Die!

U-turn back and keeping an attentive eye to the fuel meter..

Suddenly, I found it! Petron!! I know la what everyone is saying boycott Petron because it's a crony etc but I am left with no choice. So, like a desert miss the rain, I dashed into the station and let my car drink like it's free..

Then a car pulled over to the pump next to mine. Without hesitation, I pop my head over and ask.. 'mister ah, how to get to the main road ah..?' He says 'ok, u go this way, reach to the end, turn right, then drive further up, you can see all the cars turn left, follow the cars turn left then you will reach the road and make a U-turn and go up the road..'

This is the first time I listen so attentively from a stranger and make mental note. I repeat the route to him again just in case I misunderstood him. That's how we Einstein learns last time. Anyway we discuss Einstein next time. 

So, I carefully trying to remember the route and alas, I am on the a familiar road leading home.

Leesen, Lemme Speaking..

These few days ah, all Muniandy, Ah Choy and Ayob also knows the mamak lady kasi taruh itu girl at UUM for voicing her opinion regarding Bersih/PTPTN. I must say, the mamak lady deserved an award for acting like a total asshole. Is there an award for that? Yah, the same one my boss is nominated for also.

Anyways, the mamak lady engrish is quite good. So for the benefits of you all whose engrish is half bucket, let me summarized what she barks ya..

She says,

"Leesen x11, this is limpeh program limped give u speaking. But when limpeh speaking you leesen.

Lemme speaking x7. Limpeh got gip her respect? Limpeh come and shake her hand. Means limped got give her respect you know.

You no same same maraysia with other country. If you same same maraysia with other country, why u still doing in maraysia?

You student more intelligent than me. Limpeh only O-level. You must mingpak what is demonstrasi democracy. You must mingpak what is a babi anaki. You must mingpak what is 3 persons in one place. (shit la, now I go lunch time with my keliks more than 3 persons also i think of her stupid face).

Best part..

Cats got problem. Wanna eat chicken bone, kena kicked.

Dogs got problem. Cannot speak.

Cow, goat got problem. Big dy kena killed.

Fish got problem. We pick fai of them then put inside aquarium.

Bird got problem. We tie their legs then *do a retarded act and say ark ark ark*.

Most problem is shark. We eat shark fins soup."

That's mostly what she said. Most idiotic speech ever, and tak kena mengena at all with the girl's mia comments.

duno the girl in orange tudung got problem onot..
misaiman, very funny meh? Or you dun understand engrish one?

On a serious note, it's quite sad she got applauses from the student on her speech. It's either the students actually dun really understand engrish, or.. ermm.. can't think of any other reasons tim.

Faith in humanity is not restored in UUM.

Looking forward to see what's next for this mamak lady. 

Adios!

Twelve of December Twenty Twelve

Like this.

That day my colleague asked me if I have any celebration on 12/12/12.

I told her no. She says she will be celebrating with her family by having a good dinner. I asked her why. She says 12/12/12 comes once in a lifetime.

The next day I asked her again if she is celebrating 13/12/12.

She says no but I told her isn't 13/12/12 also comes once in a lifetime...?

Now you know why I don't have friends.

Hidden Message

Saw this print ads in one of the property development office, reflecting the current project they are in.

Well, are they building a city of lesbianism..?

Guidelines on Writing a Resolution

I know one. Every time new year sure wanna do something stupid like writing a resolution. This is some simple guidelines how to write one and sure will achieve one.

1) Set a target how many resolution(s) you plan to achieve. Be realistic. Setting too many will always results in failure. The rule of thumb is if you set 20 previous year, but only achieved 12, 80% discount it. That will be the correct number of resolutions you should set.

2) Set something achievable. If you can't play the piano, refrain from setting a resolution as 'Can Play Mary Had A little Lamb by 31 Dec 2013'. Or if you can't swim, avoid stuff like 'Get a set of bikini (trikini if you are gunipok)'. Try to be sensible. If you wanna learn a new musical instrument, starts by a triangle. Do not over-estimate your ability.

do not look down at this complicated instrument. ask mr pythagoras

3) Always double check your spelling/grammar in your resolutions list. This is to avoid any confusion when you look at it few months later. Example, 'This year I will try to eat more, my friends' is different from 'This year I will try to eat more friends'. 

4)  Do a milestone check. Suggested milestone is every 3 months. It's ok to amend the resolution if you think it's impossible to achieve. The important thing is not to force yourself but achieving it comfortably. Example:

January: To plant 4 types of vegetable.

April: To plant 4 2 types of vegetable.

July: To plant 4 2 types of vegetable something.

October: To plant 4 2 types of vegetable Eat something green.

That's it! With these 4 guidelines, I am sure everyone is an achiever!! Thanks me later.

Btw, here's my resolution for 2013!