Emergency Flowchart

Okla okla.. since u guys always say this blog provides useless info, here is something useful k..




Next time you know wht to do during emergency.

Dun say anymore this blog is useless ya!

How crappy..

Adios!

credit: that chart is taken from this website.

Wot iz dis..?

I saw this in FB. Someone is selling (or providing service) on the mini stage for malay weddings (called pelamin)..




One glance I tot this is a chinese graveyard.. :(

How crappy..

Adios.

Crappy

I've got alot of stuff to write but dunno where to start..



How crappy..

Adios.

My Friend, Stiff

Once upon a time..

After my form 5, me and a few friends went to work temporarily while waiting for our SPM results. The office is not really huge, but that time was their peak period. So they got a few temp staff to clear off their work. While working, we got to know another temp staff by the name of Steve. Steve is 2 yrs older than us and he is waiting for his STPM result.

Since Steve is just about our age, he joined us for lunch every day and somehow we were like buddies.

One day, one of my friends asks him, ‘So Steve, actually I wanted to ask you this question forever. Your name is spelt S-T-E-V-E, or S-T-I-F-F?’

Steve felt abit weird, and replied, ‘S-T-E-V-E la… where got ppl name STIFF one? D’uh!!’ (not exact word but something like that). We were all laughing, not sure at my friend’s stupid question, or Steve’s reaction of being asked a stupid question.

Now fast forward 15 years later..

Steve, if you are reading this…







REALLY GOT PEOPLE NAME STIFF ONE OK!!!

Clarification: The one who asked that question is NOT me!

See, I where got sinkalan you?

Siao!

The other day as usual I am hanging around with my buddies at my area. Then suddenly came 2 strangers seated nearby us. One guy and one girl. The girl mumbles something to that guy after seeing us and both giggles. Siao.

The guy use his finger and pointed at me. And move his finger, like instructing me to follow him. He think what? We stupid ah? Just use your finger and point point thinking we will follow? Siao.

Then the girl pointed at my friend, saying his eye is fake. What fake? My friend’s eye is a bit bigger but how can she be so insensitive and says his eye is fake? Siao.

After a while, they started eating. At first, it’s ok as they are just eating lump of rice but later we realized they are eating something funny inside the rice! We can sense what they are eating is so wrong! This is outrageous!! Siao!

They are eating our relatives :(













This is most likely what that red fish thinks while we chomped down the sushi next to that aquarium..

Eh, I no sinkalan you one ok.

How crappy.

Adios.

Model?

These days with the popularity of DSLR cameras, suddenly everyone is a photographer. And because of this, there are alot of models as well. See FB, once a while there will be people publishing their work, either from aspiring photographers, or aspiring models. Even in dailychilli website, there is a section dedicated to self-proclaimed models.

But hor, the point I wanna stress is... those models in dailychilli damn sad la.. Below are a few photos i nicked from there...
What kind of pose is this leh? Nice meh? Looks like she is in the midst off pulling her head of in a horror movie..

Then this guy..

Don't have enough photo to post? A caricature? Think this is a comic book audition meh?

This girl lagi funny..

Can see the face ah? Photo like this also can be published as model? Wo de tian ah.....

Tell me, what happened to kick ass photos like this one? This is what we called Real Model ok!














How crappy..

Adios!

ps: to all the models up there, if you happen to read this, nothing personal ok.. it's just that the photos are ugly. what? criticism leads to improvement ma..!

Raya Songs

Year in year out, the same old Raya Songs. Balik Kampung la.. what else? Yoh, all the regulars la! Boring!

This year why not the local artists do some cover version of international songs with some Raya mood? Here are a few I can think of:

1) Ampun Is The Hardest Word: oa Elton John
2) Sirap In A Bottle: oa Christina Aguilera
3) Always Raya: oa Bon Jovi
4) Raya Don’t Cry: oa Fergie
5) I Just Call To Say Slamat Hari Raya: oa Stevie Wonder
6) Lemang Tree: oa Fool’s Farden
7) Hot and Cold Cincau: oa Katy Perry
8) Kurma California: oa The Eagles
9) Every Morning Syawal: oa Sugar Ray
10) Salam 25 Minutes: oa MLTR

oa=original artist

With songs like this, Raya will rawks!

Yusof Tileessss...

If you happens to listen to radio, especially English channel, there is this annoying ads with background of lounge music and a deep male voice naming different type of supreme quality dates and then a women voice whispering ‘Yusof Tiles’ at an interval of every 2 seconds. WTF on earth is a tiles company selling dates for Ramadhan??

The answer is, the ads is from Yusof Tayoob, a well known food importer, exporter and distributor (nick’d from Yuta’s website). So the woman’s voice is actually whispering Yusof Tayoob instead of Yusof Tiles.. But let me listen again. Is it Tiles of Tayoob… Aiyoh, whisper properly la…

Aiyah, I no sinkalan you one la...

Miracles

Remember this news?

I think we will know what happened next year when the suicide note miraculously appear to save the day.

Miracles do happens when there is no answer.

How crappy..

Adios!

My Strepsils

Is Strepsils a sweet?
When you see your fren got a pack of Strepsils, will you ask for one?

Yesterday I was having a bad sore throat. So I went to a shop nearby and got myself a pack of Strepsils. Then a colleague saw and say, ‘Eh, got sweets. Can I have 1?’

I was a bit reluctant to spare because I need all the 6 of them for my sore throat. But not to offend him, I just pass him 1.

Strepsils is not a sweet ok! It’s a sore throat medicine. And it cost a freaking 50 sen each.

Do you ask for a Panadol from your friend when you see him eating one?

D’uh!

In the 80s..

In the 80s, there is something stupid called TV license. If you have a TV, you have to pay the annual license fees. I remember last time when we heard some strangers knocking on our neighbors doors, we will go and see if they are from the government checking on the TV license. Normally they are 2-3 malays going from door to door at our flats. If this happens, my mum will panic and close the door as if no one is at home. I think once she even hide our small tv in the cupboard. But mostly, it’s false alarm. Come on, who so stupid go and pay for such license?

There were also conman who came by saying they are from the government, need to do fogging at RMxx per house. Or checking on the gas tube for safety and compliance with government regulatory. Or selling pots at unbelievable cheap price but then with string attached. Last time where got internet to check all this. Some aunties will fall into the traps of this conjobs. My mum also kena conned into buying a set of useless pots!

Besides checking on TV license, we are often raided by sales people. There are people selling all sort of stuff from house to house that time. Got a man sell detergent, one lady sell bras, one old man come and sharpen all your knives and scissors, people asking for donations, one man selling butter buns, a lady come and collect old clothes and 1 guy even sells Loufuji! My favorite is the Indian rotiman. He will park his motor and put the bread on a big cardboard box and walk around the flat, yelling ‘Roti…’, ‘Roti….’ Sometimes, we will go to his motor and curi some Mamee..

Those were the days when I was a kid, where there is not much to think about and live a carefree happy life with other kids at the flats…

Gulagulaku

Sejak zaman purba lagi, gula-gula kesukaanku adalah Hudson's perisa buah pala. Gula-gula ini sedap sehingga tak terkata. Rasanya manis dan wangi seumpama buah pala jeruk yang dibeli dari Pulau Pinang. Dulu, gula-gula ini dapat dibeli 10 sen untuk 3 biji. Alangkah murah barangan masa itu. Fikir kembali pun gembira sakan.

Seperti biasa, lama-kelamaan barangan murah dan berlambak mudah dilupakan. Kehadiran gula-gula lain di pasaran telah mengubah hidupku ke haluan yang berbeza. Aku mula memberanikan diri mengeksplorasi gula-gula yang lain. Tahun demi tahun, Hudson's perisa buah pala semakin dilupakan.

Tetapi, apabila aku sedari yang rasa buah pala itu telah lama tidak dirasai, aku mula mencari gula-gula itu yang dulu menjadi sebahagian dari hidupku. Tatapi malang tidak berbau, gula-gula itu telah lenyap di pasaran. Gerai Muniandy yang aku selalu beli gula-gula telah dirobohkan. Pasaraya besar seperti Gergasi, 4Kereta dan Teksko pun tidak menjual gula-gula itu lagi. Kesengsaraanku tidak dapat dieksplain dengan kata..

Pada suatu hari, aku menceritakan kekesalan hidupku kepada salah seorang rakan sekerja. Rakan sekerjaku ini adalah penaja gula-gula dalam opisku. Tempat duduk dia berlambak dengan gula-gula. Setiap kali aku jalan lepas dia punya tempat, aku akan petik sebiji gula-gula (kadang-kala 2 biji bergantung kepada moodku masa tu)..

Beberapa hari kemudian, rakan sekerjaku ini datang ke tempat dudukku. Dan dia menghulurkan segenggam gula-gula Hudson's perisa buah pala kepadaku. Alangkah gembiranya aku apabila dapat merasai gula-gula itu sekali lagi. Perasaanku masa itu adalah macam jumpa duit dalam kocek seluar jeans aku yang belum dibasuh pada hujung bulan...

Menurut rakan sekerjaku, dia tanya penjual gula-gula dia itu dan hakikatnya adalah, Hudson's tidak lagi memanufaktur gula gula perisa buah pala lagi. Tetapi, dia masih ada simpat sikit stok lama. Ini bermakna gula-gula perisa buah pala itu adalah yang terakhir di dunia yang zalim ini.

Kini, aku akan lebih mengtreasure gula-gula ini dan akan menghayati detik detik terakhir ini sebab aku faham, gula-gula ini tidak akan hadir di hidupku selapas ini buat selama-lamanya..

Selamat tinggal Hudson's perisa buah pala. Kehadiranmu akan sentiasa di hatiku..

*open a pack of Fisherman's Friend while the rest of the Nutmeg sweets lies idle at the corner of my desk*

LOL!!

How crappy..

Adios!

Priority Fails

Sometimes, our local news is really funny.

Read this: Actress happy to be home but hopes family will accept Indonesian spouse

In a nutshell, this teenage girl returned from Indonesia and her husband is still in Indonesia (whatever reasons, tak tau). She is 15 yrs old, 6th months pregnant.

Her father says, 'I am upset because she did not even finish her PMR examination. I want her to complete her SPM examination..'

Hello? We have a bigger problem here ok! What PMR exam? Uncle, your daughter had been raped and is under-aged! And she eloped with an Indonesian. And the reason he can't come to Malaysia could be he is a criminal or previously a illegal immigrant?

Where is the law?

How crappy..

Adios!

Who so GILA?

Guess ha.. The 7% of those who thinks the bank shouldn't subsidise the RM50 tax from where?

A) No credit cards
B) Bankruptcy due to credit cards
C) Bank CEOs
D) School Kids
E) Old Folks
F) Mat Rempits
G) Ah Longs
H) Tourists
I) All the above

How crappy..

Adios!

*results from thestar, the paper that only report one sided story.

Wahlan!

The other day, we bought 2 starter packs from True Fitness at less than rm40 each with unlimited visits to the gym for a month and 6 (or 4? lupa) sessions of Bikram Yoga. On top of that, there is a free voucher to try their back massage at True Spa.

So, on that fateful day, we called up an appointment at True Spa Jaya 33 to try their free massage.

Upon arrival, we were being introduced to the products and services they are offering as expected. Nothing is free ok. That takes about 45 minutes. Ok, then we realized that free massage only last for 30 minutes. But before we get the massage, the salesgirl brought us around the spa facilities to have a look at their massage rooms etc. The girl says something like this ‘you just come here, have a tea, everything is arranged for you. Have a dip at the *dunno what stupid bath*, then proceed to the shower and then to the massage. Wahlan!’ *show her thumbs* Since we are not really interested, we just follow her aimlessly trying hard to be interested without yawning.

At last, it’s our turn for the massage. That 30 minutes massage passed like 10 minutes.

We came out, and she is waiting for us again, trying to sell. Ok, fine. It’s her job. We just sit through again and this is where shit happens.

After explaining and telling us that we need to commit RM4,000+ (RM388 x 12) a year, we wanted to leave. Who the f*ck in the sane mind will commit RM4k+ for a spa just because of the 30 minutes or so back massage? Anyway, to be polite I just explained to her properly that I am not interested in this and going to the spa is not my lifestyle. I will consider if this is a gym package (but not la RM4k+ a year) but not a spa package. And the reason I am here is because of that stupid voucher I got in that gym pack. I think I got use the word stupid.

Then she counter offer, asking me other shitty questions and how much I am willing to pay? I can name the price? RM38.80 lor! She laughs it off. Then I further explains that it is impossible if she wants me to sign up anything today. The best is, I can think about it. She says after I left the place, I will not give it a second thought. Oklor, then I say I am NOT INTERESTED lor! Then we stand up and wanted to go but she says the most out of the world thingy… ‘You all cannot leave just like that..’

W…T…F..??

What else you want from me? I don’t want to buy anything.

We don’t care anymore. Rude or not, we are leaving. Then she asks us to wait just another while so that she take something for us. I asked her issit brochures and she nods her head. To be nice, we just waited for a while so that she can close our case properly.

2 minutes later, she came out from the office with 2 pieces of paper. She asked us for 6 referrals from each of us so that she can call our friends.

We just say bye and walk towards the lift, 2 hours later just for that pathetic ‘30 minutes’ back massage.

And the best part, they did not even collect the vouchers from us. Anyone wanna have a 30 minutes back massage?

Note to True Spa Jaya 33: This is what we called ‘Overly Hard Sell’ and this is irritating like shit.
Note to True Fitness: Don’t slot in all these rubbish into the packs that we need to buy. Now I am skeptical on joining your gym.

How crappy..

Adios.

Science and Religion

Picking up from the 2012 phenomenon, the end of the world...

There are many scientific arguments that 2012 will not happen becasue the whatever axis or whatsnot will not move in the next 100000 years etc..

I for one do not believe that 2012 is real but can we predict the end of the world based on science? Or religion? Or the Mayans? Or anything yang sewaktu dengannya?

If science is so kengchao, why no one can calculate the earthquake fury in Haiti? If religion is so easy to interprete, why there is so much hooha on just 1 word? If the prophecy of the Mayans is so accurate, why the only thing we know about the Mayans is the end of the world?

I think the world will come to an end someday, without anyone knowing. Not even science or religion can tell. It will come.

*put on a mortarboard and lite a ciggy and look deep into the sky*

*then eat char kuey teow*

How crappy..

Adios!

Golden Words

Came across this picture in yesterday's paper..

'TREAT OTHERS IN THE WAY THAT THEY WISH TO BE TREATED!!!'

Isn't this bring the meaning of hypocrisy to another whole new level?

How crappy..

Adios!